Maddypants

They're called UGS

2006-02-23T14:18:00.000-08:00

I have increased my client base by one person. Nancy. Nancy is a 78 year old MS patient who has more in common with me than is reasonable. Here are some interesting facts about Nancy.

1) Nancy's favorite shows are Grey's Anatomy, LOST and sports. Two out of three.
2) Nancy was born at Lutheran Hospital in Ft. Wayne, Indiana. 53 years later-so was I.
3) Nancy wears mismatched clothes and almost always a pink pair of boots, which she explained are all the rage in San Francisco. "They're called UGS."
4) Today Nancy ran out of a few grocery staples. I was sent to the store for ice cream, Doritos, and diet coke. Impressive.
5) Nancy has a washer and dryer in her apartment and runs a few loads a day. We do not have that in common. As far as that's concerned--Nancy is living the dream.

Headed to Camden laundromat. Boo. Take care.

The DW

2006-02-06T14:16:00.000-08:00

Today I woke up to a terrible hair day, so I started teasing. I believed that teasing would solve the problem in the sense that "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em".

Plus, people who look a little disheveled look cool, right? Like celebrities?

NOT! All day long I looked like I fell off the DW, and for those of you who weren't lucky enough to be roommates with me in college--the DW is the Drunk Wagon (a saying I made up to explain myself when I am really a trainwreck).

Happy Camper

2006-02-05T18:41:00.000-08:00

Hello blogger friends--I apologize for my absence recently.

Thank you to all who were so incredibly kind and encouraging about my new job. I feel truly blessed by your words because they have stuck with me in recent days and have been a constant reminder of my purpose.

Although I felt quite startled after my first day in, I have found that my place is no accident at all. I am connecting well with my first client, whom I mentioned before. Von, is his name and he is different than I initially thought.

His cancer is slowing and will eventually end his life, but his faith is much stronger than I could initially recognize. We have begun a true relationship and I am learning the necessity of companion care to a man who has felt abandoned by most of his wordly connections throughout life. Many failed marriages, addictions, and rocky relationships left him bitter at this world, but he has recently reknewed his faith in God and there is great hope for his future.

One afternoon in particular humbled me in a way that I haven't been in years. His legs are retaining water and he cannot bend over, for he has lung cancer and cannot sustain the pressure on this area when leaning over. He asked me if I would be willing to rub lotion into his swollen legs and feet. I felt so much like the servant I was meant to be and I knew that I was completely in the right place.

--I was also given another client this week as well--who is a delightful older women with MS who lives alone with no family or living friends in the state. She was wonderful, and we found that we were actually born in the exact same hospital in Indiana (only about 55 years apart). Time with her was absolutely refreshing and I am finding great satisfaction in my work here.

Marriage is also quite wonderful, as I expect it always is in the first months. Easy. Fun. Transitional. Hilarious. These words describe my life with Tyler. We have been insane homebodies recently and we have plans to work out, and get out more in the future. I love him and it's still a wonderful dream that it's him who I share my life with and it's his goofy wink I glance over at when he sits only feet from me. I'm a happy camper for sure.

not quite Tuesdays with Morrie

2006-01-23T16:39:00.000-08:00

I'm back in the saddle again...

Today was my first day of real work after graduating college and what a day it was. My job, in itself is rather simple. I work for a companion care company that sets me up with clients who I visit on a regular basis. I fix meals, chat, run errands and do a little light cleaning.

My first client is not an elderly woman who wants to chat about Cary Grant, though.

My first client is a 37-year old man with terminal lung cancer who has now lived one month past his life expectancy. What a heavy way to enter the world of companion care! The day went well for the most part, although I have little to share with a man who doesn't expect to be alive tomorrow. I know that he has much to share with me, but mostly today it was awkward conversation stopped and started only as he floated in and out of sleep. This is hardly Tuesdays with Morrie. This man is hurting and unready for a fate that is catching up fast. He is angry at his body for not holding up longer and sorry for the time he considers lost.

I find myself incredibly unprepared for what is asked of me, yet I feel confident that I will be equipped. I feel that this is one of those moments where you grasp what stability you can find and pretend to be more self assured than you really are. I am terrified and at the same time so incredibly blessed to be given this opportunity.

Shut down in 2.5

2005-12-14T14:26:00.000-08:00

This week has been a rough one! I am shutting down the computer in about 2.5 minutes and I'm packing up the rest of my stuff.

Leaving Anderson tomorrow is bizarre! Moving to Florida in a week and a half is amazing! I am feeling more and more ready. For the longest time (including yesterday) I just felt sad about leaving. And now I feel ready. It just hit me this afternoon--a real calm about classes, moving, getting married, and saying goodbye.

I love everyone here so much, but I am ready to be married and even more--just ready to be with Tyler day in and day out (that would be married).

I have alot of hopes for friend relationships in Florida as well. I want to be real. I fear that I will try to meet everyone's expectations and never let the true clumsy, awkward, funny girl out. I often felt very intimidated this summer, but now as I think about it--that really feels so weird. I am brave and I can be bold. And my confidence should soar with the opportunity to meet and know new people.

Ahead there is so much hope. But now I'm shutting down. See you all soon. Merry Christmas!

Last Day of Classes

2005-12-09T14:05:00.000-08:00

I realized, but at the same time I didn't...today was my last day of class at Anderson University. Sign me up for the real world, I'm practically an adult.

I have felt really great about the change, ever since I allowed myself an hour long cry last week. It's incredibly weird to leave and I'm sad (no way around that), but I'm also so happy for my future.

I feel like I've been waiting my whole life for a real adventure, and I know that one is right around the corner. I am thrilled to be moving to Florida (10 inches of snow here yesterday) and becoming Tyler's wife makes me the most blessed woman I know.

--I thought alot today about what I want to be known for. I was required to write my epitaph in class and teary-eyed I managed out a grim little phrase. I know, in my fear and my panic and in my lack of self-actualization, that my time here on Earth is not complete. It's difficult even to think of what that would mean. The thought is understandably very unsettling.

This exercise was not meant to crumble my class, but to inspire us to live well. I have amazing friends whom I love and who love me well. I am blessed by those around me and intend to use my life to bless others.

And even more--this upcoming marriage rested heavy on my mind. I want for Tyler and I to love each other well. I want our marriage to be a testimony to our faith. I want us to take advantage of the support we have, but to truly cleave to each other and embrace this life-long adventure we'll share.

This upcoming season is such a celebration, but it will also be a season of challenge and growth. Loving someone else well means self-sacrifice, patience, forgiveness, and compromise. I will embrace these opportunities and challenges and look to God for strength. I want so badly to be a wonderful wife and I will do my best to be that.

All of these transitions and challenges give me the opportunity to be the best that I can be. I will strive for stability with everything wedding, patience with everything family, love for everything Tyler, and calm as I truly enjoy the blessings that overwhelm me.

The Best News of the Year!

2005-11-30T06:31:00.000-08:00

I cannot share the news because it's not my place to tell, although I expect that everyone will know soon.

My dear friend's wish has finally come true and today is an incredible day of blessing!

HOORAY!

Short and Semi-Sweet

2005-11-28T20:29:00.000-08:00

I have 32 days until I am Mrs. Tyler Clark.

I have a minimum of 32 pages due before Thursday.

Here I thought that graduating and planning a wedding didn't mix, but the numbers say it all.

Although I am constantly overwhelmed, I am overjoyed and excited about the wonderful changes happening in my life. I love our New Year's Eve wedding and I love that this December is the most exciting of my life. I cannot wait to marry this man who has my heart.

Oh There's No Place Like Home for the Holidays

2005-11-23T17:29:00.000-08:00

I've been home in good old Liberty Center, Indiana for about 90 minutes now, and the house is completely vacant. The family, I assume, will be home shortly--but man it's odd to come home to an empty house.
This weekend is no doubt going to be a blur...but a blur of absolutely wonderful things.

This weekend will include (in no specific order) : Christmas tree lighting in Indy, overeating pumpkin pie and homemade dressing, shoe shopping, decorating at home, homework, packing for Florida, a dueling piano bar with the Clarks, SNOW!, driving over 150 miles back and forth to my house and Tyler's, sing-alongs in the car, surprises and tons more fun.

My favorites: seeing Tyler, seeing family, overeating, Christmas everything, and the dueling piano bar. FUN!

I LOVE the holidays. I love the cheerful music and how this is the only time a year where snow is romantic. I love the warm glow of twinkle lights and the old fashioned sound of classic Christmas hits. I love eating delicious foods with no regard to calories and I love relaxing with a good movie afterwards. I love wearing a scarf as more than an accessory and hugs that warm you up. I love hot cider and friends and family close.

Hooray for this weekend at home. This may be my last chance to relax for awhile!

A Spoonful of Sugar

2005-11-20T13:09:00.000-08:00

I am spending today in the Anderson University Nicholson Library attempting to make great strides on a 20-page paper that may save my grade point average in Social Research, or as I like to call it: the class that may keep me from graduating.

This paper, I realized, is like a terrible tasting medicine. Let's just say, Liquid Sore Throat Tylenol, for the timeliness. The sooner I gulp this down, the sooner I am well again. It's been a threatening menace in my life for far too long and will soon reach completition. (Although not soon enough.)

The interesting thing is that I really do care about my topic. I decided to research or propose research for the disclosure and education to children when there is cancer in the family. Interesting...and not previously studied much. I believe that this is important, yet it's still a terrible thorn in my side.

My spoonful of sugar in this case is the daydream I allow every 45 minutes of dancing around my house with a stapled, pressed, 20-page-paper in hand. I can only imagine that level of joy right now.

And maybe after this paper is finished I can start daydreaming about normal things: like walking down the aisle at my wedding or the amazing job I'm going to find. Until then, dancing with a completed project is my hazy heaven.

The Comforts of Psuedo-Home

2005-11-16T14:07:00.000-08:00

Today I am spending the day at the original Clark home with future mother-in-law, Kim Clark.

I am being nursed back to health in grade A style, which includes a hot bath, soup, hot chocolate, movies, and naps.

It's nice to be babied when you're under the weather. It's wonderful to feel so comfortable here that I'm wearing my pajamas and not a stick of make-up and I'm not the least bit concerned. It feels good to be comfortable and loved.

I am off to sit by the fire, read my book, and cough. Life is as good as it can be, considering the cold. Of course, if Tyler were here telling me stories about Gommie life would be better. But he'll be here in a week and then he can make up the difference.

And I'll be healthy then--hooray!

Hello Blogging World

2005-11-10T08:10:00.000-08:00

Life is quite wonderful and exciting for me these days. I am basically a walking TLC show.

Tyler and I will be married in 50 short days. Before those 50 days are up though I will be an Anderson University college graduate, a bridesmaid another time, and a brand new Floridian. Plus, Tyler has recently moved into our new apartment and has been decorating, painting and arranging furniture in what I trust to be a very warm and welcoming manner.

I have really worked hard to live in the moment these past few months and for the most part I have done quite well. I feel really blessed by family and friends who want to support me through the many transitions ahead. I love life here and I love life ahead. It's good to be happy even though I'm very stressed.

Lately God has really been working on my control issues. I am not often a happy camper when control is taken away from me, but I'm learning that if I'm unwilling to relinquish it--God is still more than willing to take it from my hands.

This lesson has such history in it from my past. Control is an aspect of life that I have grown to covet. My heart wants to give it up, but my insecurities demand to hold on tight. This is a work in progress.